That really is the best word I can come up with. I am alone and lonely yet am unable to reach out. The times I need others the most are the times I want them the least. If you walk away from me I understand. So I sit - alone.
I know everyone has their own burdens to bear so I try not to add to them. I always feel that others are much better equipped to deal with life-stronger,smarter,more resilient,more enlightened, more grateful than I. I feel like I am missing an important piece of the puzzle. The piece that teaches me how to be.
I am weak. I am tired. I am so much more yet so much less...
It's not that I don't think of you,I do. I do, much more than you'd ever imagine.I want to love you and support you and tell you that everything will be ok no matter what. But I cannot do that for myself. I do not reach out to you because deep inside I think I do not deserve to be helped, to be cared for, to be loved.