Monday, November 15, 2010


That really is the best word I can come up with. I am alone and lonely yet am unable to reach out. The times I need others the most are the times I want them the least. If you walk away from me I understand. So I sit - alone.

I know everyone has their own burdens to bear so I try not to add to them. I always feel that others are much better equipped to deal with life-stronger,smarter,more resilient,more enlightened, more grateful than I. I feel like I am missing an important piece of the puzzle. The piece that teaches me how to be.

I am weak. I am tired. I am so much more yet so much less...

It's not that I don't think of you,I do. I do, much more than you'd ever imagine.I want to love you and support you and tell you that everything will be ok no matter what. But I cannot do that for myself. I do not reach out to you because deep inside I think I do not deserve to be helped, to be cared for, to be loved.


  1. Oh, I know this place you describe so well! This has so often been my landscape. Please know that I am sending you love, love, love. Yes, you do deserve it!! Sending a big hug and smile your way. Take good care of yourself, my dear. The world needs your creative spirit, which is always there, if only in that glint in your eye:)

  2. kindly consider yourself appreciated & supported & prayed for...isn't that what love has to do with it? ;)

  3. not only do you deserve the love and support you have it from me and others who have met you and witnessed your story. You are not alone Sharyn.. and I know how you feel, I push people away when I need the most also, I think sometimes that is a very human trait..not to want to need.. but we all do and we are all connected.
    Big love to you as you walk your path.


  4. Depression and lonliness hurt so badly. It's never enought to hear someone say that you are wonderful adn that you are loved because you don't feel it. I wish I could find the secret help...But I am glad you reached out to write this. I am thinking of you and you are never truly alone. Remember the better times... the Squam times.. the value you hold. You are loved. ~Kathy

  5. you have no idea how often I think of you. I don't wasn't to be a pest or a bother. I really enjoy your company. l was so glad you found the strength to write this blog. reaching out is the key. call me so we can meet for breakfast. xxoo ss

  6. Hi Sharyn,

    I wish I had seen this sooner. If you could only see yourself the way I see you. Lovely, with a broad smile and strokes of talent and wit to match. You are so deserving of love - we all deserve it. You don't even have to earn it - it is just there.

    Just like I am here. I think of you often and just today was enjoying my little tag from the bag with goodies you gave me at Squam. (My dog helped himself to eating the bag and the last kisses that were left but the tag thankfully remained!)

    So glad you did post this, though, so we know how you are feeling - I can definitely relate so very deeply. But we hold each other up in these times when we are too weak to do it ourselves. Lean on us!

    Sending you a huge hug,

  7. I hope you're feeling better today Sharyn. Those dark days are hard (I've been there too). Good thing is there's usually light afterwards, though it's not always obvious.

    I'm happy you reached out here. One day at a time...

    Sending you a big hug.